That's What Makes You Beautiful

www.amymarie.origamiowl.com

When I am faced with a decision, I often ask myself at the end of my life what would I think of my choice. It is funny how my point of view changes when I look at things from a different point of view. 

As a woman, I feel the pressure to feel beautiful. In high school I was able to stay 90 lbs by not eating. I only ate enough not to pass out. When I started dating my husband, he loved me and found me beautiful regardless of my ability to fit in a size 0 jeans. I had cheese cake for the first time. I wore jeans and a t-shirt. It was a relief not to worry about my weight or what I was wearing. Somewhere I stopped trying. 

But it didn't stop me from wondering how I would look with a tummy tuck (hello, can you say 7 kids, stretched out tummy???) or Botox in that nice 11 forming between my eyebrows. I have cried when I outgrow my fat jeans and cried when I got in the smallest pair since baby #4. I started linking my self worth to my outer appearance. When I was  a younger mother, I somewhat embraced the "my appearance isn't important" attitude. Yet, I hated my body. I had nightmares that I would see people who knew me when I was anorexic in high school and not speak to me because I was fat.

I got in the car with a good friend who was taking us swimming. My oldest daughter was just under 2. I sat down and saw the fat on my thighs. I sighed and said, "I hate my thighs." My friend without missing a beat turned to my daughter and said, " I am sorry your mommy hates your thighs." Horrified, I corrected her, "I hate MY thighs." 

Once again, she turned and repeated, "I am sorry your mommy hates your thighs." We did this 2 more times before I caught on! She was brave enough to ask me if I wanted my daughter to abuse her body by not eating or by ignoring it and stop caring. She told me I better learn to love myself because my daughter was taking my cues on her self worth.

I came to a solution that I am working on. I should just have a shirt made that says work in progress because it seems to be my theme. I learned taking care of myself is important. Exercise, drinking water, and getting good nutrition is a priority. Wearing make up, beautiful clothing, stunning jewelry, and amazing shoes help give me confidence. Could I have it without it? Sure. But I love feeling good. I am learning the balance. I can be beautifully unperfect. And if my husband asks, yes I need those shoes!! Ask Cinderella, a good pair of shoes can change your life!